Stop Internet Bitterness

It is a well known fact that the Internet can bring out the worst in people. Encouraged by a complete lack of consequence, some people (colloquially known as trolls) poison the web with content meant only to sadden, anger, or degrade its viewers. These expressions of contempt can be found on any site with a commenting system. Of course, this is not new: ever since the infantile days of the web users have found ways to express pent up rage which would be considered inappropriate anywhere else. Lately, however, I have noticed a steady rise in internet spite, and it is beginning to get on my nerves.

It is standard that blogs, video sharing sites, and social networks have a commenting system, but these systems are frequently abused by the aforementioned trolls. Take, for example, YouTube. Nearly every video is followed by a series of rude remarks which criticize the creator for nearly every aspect of the video. Often the comments serve no purpose but to degrade the author.

Experienced content creators such as the mastermind behind The Oatmeal have learned to ignore such criticism, but to the amateur internet surfer this behavior creates a hostile, and ultimately undesirable experience. One would certainly not like to attend a concert if the crowd were reprimanding the performers throughout then performance.

Unfortunately, this will always be the case. Trolls will be trolls, and trolls will always have an insatiable urge to make others angry. Therefore, the only thing we can do is control ourselves (meaning us who look down upon internet rudeness). Trolls feed off negative reactions: their only purpose, after all, is to generate them. So rather than responding to their comments, simply take a deep breath, flag them as inappropriate, and move on with your day.

With time, and an immense amount of patience, internet trolls will realize they no longer have an effect on people, and we will be free from the burden. So with this knowledge, I implore you to assist me in my quest to stop internet bitterness.

Stop Complaining About Apple

As you may have noticed, 2012 was a very big year for Apple. And by big I mean that it took two keynotes and a World Wide Developers Conference to announce all of their new products. Being the passionate Apple fan-boy that I am, I took an immense amount of joy in watching the keynotes and making trips to the Apple store to look at the new releases. The events are like holidays for me, a time of cheer where I can forget all of the stresses of normal life and enjoy the beautiful gadgets. But every time, without fail, my holiday is spoiled. It is spoiled by the stupid parody videos, the android fan-boys, the uninformed masses’ constant complaints about Apple’s new lineups. For some strange reason, after every keynote, many people feel the need to express their unwillingness to buy the products, as well as their bizarre belief that Apple expects them to buy the new device even though they already own the most recent version. Well I have put up with this idiocy for too long, and now I must put a stop to it. So I beg of you, stop complaining about Apple.

It is not as if telling everybody you know that you are not going to buy a new Apple device makes you seem smarter, as if you aren’t going to be tricked into wasting your precious money. On the contrary, it makes you seem foolish, as that is clearly not Apple’s intention. Apple updates its electronics so the components won’t go out of date, not so you will have to spend upwards of $600 every year for very minor changes. Part of why Apple is one of the best electronics companies is that its devices always sport the latest components. Apple is not pressuring you to waste all of your wealth, they are simply ensuring that their electronics will always be the best.

However, what really frustrates me are the vapid parody videos of Apple products, specifically the ones from Jimmy Kimmel. For example, after the iPad Mini event, the comedian released a video which pokes fun at the very minor updates the iPad has received throughout the years, while classifying the iPad as a “giant iPod.” The video then concludes by saying “we are Apple, and you are suckers.” This angers me because it suggests that Apple customers are idiots who waste their money on minuscule updates to expensive products, which is very untrue. And one can make anything sound stupid by classifying it based off something else. I suppose Jimmy Kimmel Live could be classified as a watered down version of Conan O’Brien. It is senseless videos like these which only feed to the stupidity, and therefore my anger.

But I digress. Keep in mind that this post is the product of months aggravation, so if my writing seems a little too heated, that is why. I am fully aware that this will probably do nothing to change the minds of the “uninformed masses.” Rather, it is an effective means of releasing a large amount of pent up frustration in a quiet manner. And if a few minds get changed in the process, all the better.

Keep Your Hands Off My Electronics

Ever since I got my first Laptop, a beautiful 17 inch MacBook Pro, I have been extremely careful with my electronics. It is my innate nature: I can’t help myself but try and preserve the mint condition of my gadgets from the moment they come out of the box. It is just instinct for me: when I put my laptop down I do it slowly and gingerly, making sure that I don’t drop any corner too far, and when I open it and close it I do it with the same care. I don’t carry my iPhone around in my back pocket, throwing it around and crushing its beautiful glass body, I carry it in my bag to prevent any sort of damage. Are all of these precautions necessary? Probably not. But when I have invested money into a device of any kind I want it to work and look like new until I decide to upgrade. Of course many other people do not have this philosophy. I wince whenever I see people throwing their phones around, dropping their tablets, and picking up their laptops as if they were babies picking up a rattle (and I see this far too often). But I resist the urge to yell at them for their horrid mistreatment of such beautiful gadgetry because it is not my problem. If they want to treat their electronics like that, fine. I’ll just avert my eyes, ignore my sorrow, and walk away.

However when those people touch my electronics, I have a problem. I work hard to maintain the quality of my devices, so when someone scoops up my innocent computer, whips open the screen with seemingly all the force he or she can muster, and then begins slapping the keyboard with his or her greasy fingers, I am not only scared for the health of my laptop, but I am also frustrated. It is extremely rude and self-centered to assume that everyone treats their electronics the same way you do. Thats is the equivalent of getting into someone’s car, crashing it into a pole, and then assuming that they are okay with their car being damaged. So I am going to say this once: keep your hands off my electronics. For that matter, keep your hands off anyone’s electronics. You don’t know how they expect their electronics to be treated, so don’t make any assumptions. And if you do happen to be using someone else’s devices, just treat them well. Its as simple as that.

At this point many of you are probably dismissing me as a freak, a person who loves his devices like they are his children. Well you know what? I am an electronics freak. I am an electronics freak and I am proud to have devices which always look brand new. So from now on the only people who I will allow to touch my children gadgets are people who harbor a similar attitude of gadget-preservation.

Progressive VS. Novel

Today I was browsing the Internet when I came across a video of Steve Jobs introducing the first iPhone. I was immediately overtaken by the nostalgia of seeing Steve Jobs give a keynote presentation, and continued to watch the video until the end. Deeply immersed in the video, I began clapping as Steve Jobs gave his final remarks and walked off stage, only to stop once I remembered I was applauding a screen. After marveling at Steve Job’s presentational ability, (for a moment I was somehow convinced that I wanted a first generation iPhone again) I began to wonder what made Apple products so wonderful. Sure, there are plenty of other tech companies which make some okay products, but in the end, Apple’s products always take the crown in terms of popularity and the longevity of that popularity. After pondering on that question for a few minutes I concluded that Apple’a popularity is based on a core understanding of the difference between novelty and progress.

Of course I can’t make a claim like that without backing it up, so for evidence I will take into example two recently advertised features of Samsung products. The first feature was part of an anti-apple ad which depicted hundreds of people waiting outside an Apple store talking about some of the less exciting features of the iPhone 5. In that ad, those people marveled at the sight of two guys touching their Samsung phones together to share music. Sure, that feature is pretty cool. I am not denying that. But it is cool only in a novel way. Once you have used it a couple times and thought to yourself, whoa, now way,  you will probably never use it again. Because in the end, it is just an inconvenient and odd way of sharing files which probably won’t work that well. The second feature was one which I saw on an uncomfortably long ad on YouTube. The advertisement depicted a famous writer using a stylus to compose sentences which would then be converted into text automatically. Again, that is pretty cool at first. But once you have had your fill writing a couple sentences and gawking when it turns into text, you just won’t use it again. It is simply an awkward and stupid way of typing. A keyboard accomplishes the same exact thing, but with much more accuracy and much less frustration. Are you starting to get it?

Now think of Apple’s products. When they are updated, they are updated with features that are truly helpful, little things which we didn’t know we couldn’t live without until we found out about them. Often times, Apple’s products will barely be updated at all, and that is because there is no updating to be done. Apple does not add novel features to its products just for the sake of adding new features. In the end, this is why most people go with Apple products. Well, I rest my case. If you disagree, feel free to leave a comment, because I love debates. Come to think of it, you should leave a comment if you agree too.